so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
