I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
