He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Randomize
