did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
