Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
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