If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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