last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
