I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
