Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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