So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
