I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
