I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Randomize
