i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
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