Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize
