one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
