I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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