Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
