in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Couch. On fire.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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