she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
The air taste purple.
Randomize
