would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
