So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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