I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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