but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
