3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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