bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
