if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
i am craving dick and cupcakes
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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