One girl and one boy is just not enough.
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
