u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Randomize
