She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
