we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
