watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
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