So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Randomize
