If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
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