I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
