I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
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