Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
