oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Randomize
