So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
How external is "for external use only"?
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
