whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
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