Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
