dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Randomize
