I don't usually arrange sex via text message
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
