thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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