if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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