she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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