I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
