Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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