last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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