My pussy is not your playground.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
