Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Randomize
